theundercovermom

Thursday, December 27, 2007

Was it Something I Said?

I think I have a complex.  Or it might just be a rude neighbor.  You see, a few days ago, I was shopping with my husband and kids and we noticed a mom I knew shopping with her young daughter and when I walked over to say hello, she snubbed me.  I mean, I even called out her name and she did that "I'm pretending not to see you look" that I've used dozens of times on people I don't want to say hello to because then I'll be caught in a conversation with someone I really don't feel like speaking with in the first place.
Wait a second.  Did she pull "the snub" on me because she wanted to avoid me? Am I annoying?  Or someone she doesn't want to even acknowledge even though I practically see her every day at my kids' school?  Was it something I said, or didn't say?  I have to admit, it was rude of me to not buy her a baby gift when she gave birth about a year ago, but I didn't think she'd hold it against me.  
Come to think of it - she's not the only person who purposely snubs me even though I know she knows exactly who I am.  There's one mom in particular - I actually wrote about her about a year ago in a post called The Witches of Preschool - she is by far the Queen of all snubbers in my neighborhood.  I can't tell you the dozens of times I've seen her at school, in the supermarket, the post office, and even at my own kids' birthday party and she pretends not to see me or will carry on a conversation with another mom and act as if I'm not in the room.  I don't know what I did to her either, but she is by far the rudest snubber I've ever met - except of course for my cousin.
Yes, my own relative has snubbed me on numerous occasions.  Even though we live approximately 1/4 mile from each other, we are practically in another country - I'm in New Rochelle, she's in Scarsdale - in a gi-normous mansion.  I've never been invited to her home and have told my parents on numerous occasions that we should just ring and run just so we can check out her expansive foyer.  One time, she even snubbed me as we were walking into a Chinese restaurant and she was walking out.  She gave me that "I'm looking over your head" so I don't see you snub - a classic.
I am really growing tired of being snubbed by rude women and relatives and while I may be partly to blame, why can't people stop being oblivious for a change?  I know I'm guilty of snubbing people from time to time, so maybe in the New Year, I'll make a point to smile when people try to catch my attention. Say hello when someone calls my name and never ignore my neighbor.  Wait, I just discovered the 11th commandment - Thou Shalt Not Snub.

Thursday, December 13, 2007

Old Feet and Other Commuter Pet Peeves

I hearby make a citizen's arrest.  In the name of cleanliness, manners and plain old decency, I proclaim this fellow commuter guilty. Guilty of assuming that his seat aboard a Metronorth train doubles as a Lazy Boy recliner.  Last I checked, thousands of people sit down exactly in the spot where those foul looking feet were parked today. And trust me, while I managed to sneak in this shot, you should have seen him go to town on his ear wax. 
I know when you step on a train many of us get lost in our own world - listening to music, watching a DVD, reading the newspaper, a great book, or in my case, meeting my favorite girlfriends for the most enjoyable part of our day.  So when I see someone plant his feet on the very spot where Robin, Mardene, Susan, Lauren and I sat earlier today, I just get utterly disgusted.
There have to be some commuter rules to follow and if you violate one of them, you get taken to task by the commuter police or by me and my 8:48 posse.  So here are seven tried and true commuter rules to live by and if you happen to have been riding the 4:23pm train to Scarsdale today in your bare socks, I hope you're paying attention:
1.  Do not under any circumstances take your shoes off on the train and stretch out your odor eaters on the seat in front of you.  
2.  If you choose to sit in a six seater and five talkative women nudge their way in so they can launch into their early morning coffee klatch, make sure your bags are off the seat and do not roll your eyes when they cover 10 topics in 33 minutes.  Besides, you may learn a thing or two if you decide to eavesdrop on the conversation.
3.  If someone is talking loudly on their cell phone, you are allowed to tell them to keep it down.  If a working mom is talking on her cell phone - back off Buster - she's either on a conference call or trying to take care of all the loose ends in her day and make it home in time to relieve her nanny.  If you attempt to rattle her cage, trust me, she'll bite your head off.
4.  If you accidentally spill a beverage on the floor and the liquid proceeds to roll down the aisle and seep next to the leather briefcase of a fellow commuter, don't pretend you don't know whose drink it is.  Use those extra napkins you swiped from that Dunkin Donuts dispenser and mop up your mess.
5.  Don't leave your newspaper on the seat after you leave.  Who do you think is going to clean up after you?  Your mother?  It's your responsibility to clean up after yourself - not the train conductor.
6.  Don't interrupt the poker players.  If you see them congregating in their favorite four seater with their oak tag spread out on their laps, a serious game of five card stud is taking place - either observe and be amazed or move to another row - those poker games can get rowdy.
7.  Deodorant may be bad for the ozone layer, but it's required for rush hour train rides.
The commuter code of ethics isn't tough to follow - so think before you do something offensive aboard your train, subway or cross town bus - you never know when the undercover mom is watching.

Sunday, December 09, 2007

The Sanitation Mom

Can someone explain to me why I am the human trash can in my family?  It's not like I've volunteered for the job but somehow, when my kids are finished with their gum, their drinks or their tissues, they don't hold onto their refuse.  Oh no.  Why do that when you have the Sanitation Mom sitting right in front of you chauffering them around from one activity to another?
Picture the scene.  We're running late, as usual and I've given the kids a quick snack so they won't complain that they're famished the minute we hit the open road.  Within one minute and forty five seconds one of them has finished their juice box and granola bar and I can feel little fingers tapping me on my shoulder as I'm trying to make a right turn.
"Mommy, here's my garbage, take it."
I don't know when I became the wastebasket but even when my husband is around, they instantly hand me their half eaten snacks so that I can magically make the garbage disappear.   And when we're outside of the car, my role as Sanitation Mom kicks in at movie theaters, festivals, museums, the zoo - there is not a place in the tri-state area that I haven't traversed where my kids have used me to get rid of their trash.
Now I know I should just tell them, it's your garbage, you find a place to dispose of it, but frankly it's just easier to take care of the mess rather than let something smelly fester in the back seat of my minivan.  And besides, at least I know I'm not alone in my garbage duties.  There are other parents who have become voluntary sanitation workers too.
Just yesterday, I was in the supermarket on the check out line while a sweet looking three year old was savoring a piece of mozzarella cheese on a toothpick.  As his dad was busy packing up their groceries and paying the cashier, the tyke held out the toothpick motioning to his dad.  When his father didn't pay attention to his directive to relieve him of the toothpick, the whining began to commence.
"Daddy....take this away!" he whined.  And within one second, the dad grabbed the toothpick and proceeded to drop it on the same conveyer belt where my groceries were about to be deposited.  Now that is just plain offensive.  If you have accepted the role of Sanitation Mom or Dad it is your obligation to dispose of all waste in a trash receptacle.  If you can't live up to the demands of the job, then you must instruct your child that they must hold onto said toothpick until they can find a trash can themselves and drop it where it belongs.
I never realized that there is a code of Sanitation Mom ethics, but there is.  Just like the tell-tale phrase, you break it, you pay, the same holds true for garbage.  They give you their trash - you throw it out. And if you break the rules, then maybe your kid can take on garbage duty themselves.  Dare to dream.  Dare to dream.

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